Breaking Up is Hard to Do: How to Fire Someone with Grace

A few weeks ago one of our readers sent in the following question:

This is a thorny (and unsavory) topic to tackle, but I think that’s exactly why it’s worth writing about. It’s a conversation we usually stray away from but most of us have questions about.

No matter what I say here, it’s not going to prevent anyone from doing it wrong. And I’m certainly no exception from getting it wrong either. And that’s because firing someone is (in my opinion) the absolutely worst part of running a company or team. It’s such a painful and awful experience that we put off the conversation as long as possible. Every first-time leader waits too long. Everyone hopes that an employee will turn around. It’s only until the situation has become such a problem that we’re forced to do the thing we desperately hoped we could avoid.

But the right answer is to fire fast when it’s not working out. It’s better for the company, and it’s actually better for the employee.

This second part is not discussed often because it smacks of “corporate callousness” at first blush. But it’s also true (despite being counterintuitive). And we need to talk about it before we go any further.

Why Firing Someone Fast Actually Benefits Them

People (ourselves included) only have a limited number of years in which to build a career. Time is someone’s most precious resource. And you are doing someone an incredible disservice if you continue to take “time” from someone when you know, deep down, that they don’t have a future at your company or on your team.

Ask yourself this question: Would you rather date someone for a year only to find out that they’ve known for the last 6 months that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere? Or would you rather have them gracefully break up with you as soon as that became obvious to them so that you could get back on the market and have an additional 6 months to find “the one”?

This seems obvious when framed in terms of love and relationships, but not as clear when talking about employment. It should be that way though. If you care for someone, you need to enable them to move on and find their best career fit as soon as possible (if you’ve reached the conclusion that is not with your team).

So how do you know it’s time to fire someone?

Inexperienced leaders often worry that they won’t know when it’s time to fire someone. Thankfully this is one of those things that is actually much easier to identify in practice than it is in theory. You will know it when you see it.

You generally want to fire people who fall into one of 3 camps:

1. People who are consistently bad at their job (emphasis here on consistently; more on this later…)
2. People who create a toxic culture (ex: people who are persistently negative, enflame office politics, don’t “play nice” with others, etc.)
3. People who break clear ethical or company standards (these are usually the most obvious / least regretful situations)

The rest of the company/team is always aware of employees doing things like this and creating a drag on everyone else. If you’re honest with yourself, you also know when someone is doing these things too (but you as the manager will try to push that thought to the back of your mind because you want to avoid the pain of the “we have to let you go” conversation).

Building the right team is perhaps the #1 most important thing your company can do to ensure success. There’s a famous story in Silicon Valley of a CEO who interviews candidates in a room with a large sign behind his desk that says “Mediocre engineers do not build great companies”. It sounds brutal, but it’s also true.

The cost of getting a hire wrong is extremely high. This is especially true of small teams/companies. In large organizations, a bad (or even mediocre) employee can get away with screwing up or not doing their best, but the company/team can still chug along despite them. But for a small team/company a bad hire can often be fatal. In situations with fewer people the importance of each role increases dramatically.

If you realize that you’ve got the wrong person in a role, you either need to (a) move to a part of the company where they can add clear value (smart/great people can almost always adapt to a change in scenery) or (b) help them leave your org. Keeping the wrong people around for too long can be like introducing a poisonous cancer into your organization. It can and will kill your company.

An Example of Firing “Too Slow”

Years ago I worked with a company that had a top engineering executive who was renowned for being difficult to work with. He regularly got into shouting matches with other company leaders, and was so difficult as a manager that over 60% of the company’s engineers and product managers quit within a year. Department morale was at rock bottom and the company was flailing as a result. To make matters worse, he wasn’t getting results. Projects were rarely delivered on time, and he consistently backed ideas that were directly opposed to the direction other leaders wanted to go.

Everyone knew that he was not the right fit. Many wondered aloud why the CEO hadn’t simply fired him months ago, and no one could believe that he somehow still retained his post.

Once he finally left, it was as if fresh life had been breathed back into the company. Things started immediately turning around (though it took his successor over a year to rebuild the team, morale, and department reputation). The company started winning again.

As is often the case, everyone was left asking “Why didn’t we do this ages ago?”

Firing Fast vs. Establishing Security

At this point you may be asking an important question: So how do I balance firing people fast, and avoid creating a culture of fear where folks are always worried about their job?”

While you do want to fire fast (because it’s what your company needs) but you also want your other employees to feel secure even if they screw up sometimes. You don’t want people to feel like they’ll be out the door on their first mistake.

Someone once asked Sam Altman (Co-Founder of Y-Combinator) this exact question, and I found his answer very insightful:

“The answer is when an employee is not working, it’s not like they’ve just screwed up once or twice. Anyone will screw up once or twice, or even more times than that. And you should always be very loving, not take it out on them, and be a team and work together to fix things.

But if someone is getting every decision wrong that’s when you need to act. And at that point it will be painfully aware to everyone. It’s not a case of a few screwups. It’s a case where every time someone does something, you would’ve done the opposite yourself. It’s the difference between someone making one or two mistakes and just constantly screwing everything up, or causing problems, or making everyone else unhappy.

You don’t get to make their decisions, but you do get to choose the decision-makers. This is one of those cases where in theory it sounds difficult to be sure, but in practice there’s almost never any doubt”

The Mechanics of Firing Someone

Ok, I know that someone isn’t right for my team. So how do I actually go about firing them?

Below are some tips on how to actually go about having the difficult conversation (credit to my brother Jordan Strong, who is an experienced HR Business Partner at Amazon for many of these).

Principle #1: Be Direct, Quick, and Decisive

Probably the #1 most important principle is to make the call decisively and not drag out the process. You don’t want to have a conversation with someone for months on end where neither of you knows if it’s going to end up with them staying or not. Once you know you know, and you need to act quickly. Be direct. Rip it off like a band-aid.

This scene from the 2011 Film Moneyball is a great example of this principle in action (note: I do not advocate for having a distant relationship with your team like Billy Beane does here; but I do support his advice on making the conversation direct and fast)

The basic conversation flow should look something like this:

1. This is why we’re here today (explain that you’re letting them go)
2. This is why you’re being fired (be direct and honest but brief; make it clear what the rationale is; more on this below)
3. This is what you can expect for next steps (this should actually take up most of the conversation; more on this below)

 

Principle #2: Be Empathetic

Even though you know this is the right decision you probably also know that this is an enormously emotional experience for someone to go through. Job loss is regularly ranked as one of the top 10 most distressing life events we can experience. People tie up their identities and their self-worth in their work. Being told that they’re not the right fit is going to come like a punch to the gut.

If you can try to also briefly express sincere gratitude for the good that they have brought to the team/company in the time they’ve been there. Very few folks are 100% terrible at their jobs and they likely have done a few things of value. Be as kind as you can since this is a hard conversation.

 

Principle #3: Explain (Briefly) why they are being Fired

Be direct, but don’t be callous. Explain the reason they are being let go. Be honest in why they’re being asked to leave (again, remember you are doing them a disservice if you don’t provide that feedback since they could end up making the same mistake at their next role).

But be careful not to spend too much time explaining the rationale behind the decision. For example, you don’t want to go through every single instance of incompetence, bad behavior, etc… That would be cruel and unnecessary. Be clear but brief.

 

Principle #4: Help them Understand “What Happens Next”

Make sure you’re clear with them on what comes next after termination. This should actually be the longest part of your conversation. You want the ex-employee to have a ton of clarity on what happens now (especially since they’re probably feeling hurt and confused). You owe this to them.

Some specific items to cover with them:

• When will they get their last paycheck
• Do they have to repay their sign-on/relocation bonus (if applicable)
• When do their benefits (ex: insurance) end + what options do they have until they find a new job (ex: COBRA)
• What assistance you can offer them in finding another job (if applicable)
• When they will lose access to their laptop, the building, etc…
• Etc..

Give this to them in writing so that they are clear on what to do now

 

Principle #5: Make Sure that HR is Present

You never want to have the “We’re letting you go” discussion without HR present. This may seem awkward, but it’s actually crucial. You need another person there to witness the termination conversation, otherwise you are opening yourself to all kinds of legal risk. There are a ton of employment lawyers who make their livings pursuing cases of “wrongful termination”.

You need to have someone to serve as a witness to how this conversation and process is conducted. If not, you could find yourself served with a lawsuit notice claiming you did XYZ and no proof other than your own word that it isn’t true.

Have HR present when the termination is issued. Legal protection > awkwardness.

 

Principle #6: Document Everything

You need to keep a paper trail of everything leading up to the decision to fire. This includes:

• Emails (all written communications related to the decision to fire, including examples of misbehavior)
• Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) documents (proof that you gave someone a clear warning a few weeks in advance that a change was needed)
• Proof of Concept at Work (examples of their work product, etc…)
• Etc…

Again all of this is for the same legal reasons as having HR in the conversation (see above). You need a paper trail. Labor and employment attorneys are notorious for targeting companies so you need to have your bases covered. Especially for instances when you’re firing someone for performance management (not mass layoffs).

This is a deep/thorny issue, and I would heavily advise consulting with HR before moving forward with any termination to make sure you’re doing everything properly.

 

Principle #7: Ensure a Smooth (and Respectful) Handoff of Responsibilities

Remember that this is personal to the person being fired. You are going to get asked questions from others at the company as to why John/Jane isn’t working there anymore. Don’t drag their name through the mud after they leave. Respect their privacy. You can’t always control what others will say about the person who was let go, but you can control what you say.

All you need to say to others is something along these lines:

• John/Jane will no longer be with our team effective [XYZ date]
• We’re grateful for their contributions to the team
• Here is who at the company will be responsible for their duties now

Remember that this may be a difficult transition for the team. Make sure you tie up any loose ends that a person will leave behind (for example: making sure their role on a project is filled). Clearly communicate new responsibilities to everyone, hand off all important information/data, etc.

Your job as the leader is to ensure that the transition goes smoothly, so make sure you take care of what is left behind.

 

Principle #8: Shut off Access ASAP

Once someone is fired, you need to make sure that a few things happen ASAP

1. Shut off access to any computer systems, laptops, equipment, company documents, etc… quickly. You don’t want them taking information that they shouldn’t.
2. Shut off access to the building (ex: no key card or security access).

There are horror stories of disgruntled former employees destroying company equipment or deleting key documents in retaliation (my favorite one is an employee who literally pooped on the floor of the CEO’s office as a final “goodbye”… ). A family member who works in HR has even had fired employees make death threats to others on their way out.

This can be a literal safety issue (not just some dumb/random policy that HR came up with), so take care of this quickly. Work with IT and HR on the best way to do this.

Last Piece of Advice

Even if you follow all the advice above and 100% know you made the right decision, it’s still probably not going to prevent you from feeling all the awfulness that comes with firing someone.

My final piece of advice is: Find someone you can talk to about how this situation has made you feel (a spouse, a close friend, etc.). Ideally, it’s someone who is not at your company.

You shouldn’t go into the details or the names of those involved (again respect their privacy). But you may need to talk to somebody so you can process what just happened. You may be feeling that this is somehow all your fault (after all you may be the person who hired them in the first place).

Talk it out privately, and then move forward. You still have a team to lead. You can take comfort in the knowledge that part of the mantle of being a leader is being the one who has to do the occasionally unpleasant duties for the good of the business.

As William Shakespeare’s Henry IV once said “Heavy is the head that wears the crown”