I was recently walking out of the dentist office, pleased with myself for not having any cavities, and watched as a driver very slowly backed into my truck. They had tons of space yet just kept backing up, backing up, and then *crunch* hit my car with all the force of 2 miles per hour.
I think most people would have shouted as they watched this. Maybe marched up and demanded what they were thinking. Maybe most people wouldn’t be very level-headed.
The first words (surprisingly) out of my mouth as the driver got out of the car were:
“Are you okay?”
Their car had a huge dent. My truck was fine. They were visibly shaken. I was cool as a cucumber.
After we exchanged contact and insurance information I drove home and replayed the scenario a few different ways. I was grateful with how I acted, and realized I likely wouldn’t have acted that way even a few years ago. What has changed? How have I managed to become more level-headed when it feels like society is going the other way?
Tips for Staying Level-Headed at Work
#1 It’s just work. One of the surreal experiences I’ve had has been the day or so after I’ve left a company for a new opportunity. All of a sudden my inbox is completely quiet. I’m not getting texted or called for anything. It’s as if I’ve suddenly escaped all of the chatter and noise that seems to consume my day-to-day life. It’s refreshingly unnerving. Those moments of quiet that come when you’re no longer associated with an organization are stark, but important reminders that the world is a much much bigger place than the job or team you’re on currently, and that life will continue to roll on long after you’ve left a job. It helps put things in perspective that you don’t need to stress too much.
83% of US workers suffer from work-related stress. 1 in 4 Americans report their job being their #1 source of stress (also remember that only 62% of Americans work, so that’s nearly half of the workforce!).
Take the time to zoom out about your job. In my job, working at a software company, it is never life or death. Sure, there may be money on the line, or an “urgent” project deadline or customer need that needs to be addressed, but in reality unless you are interacting with dying patients, saving people from a burning building or trying to get stranded astronauts back home, it’s probably okay. Zoom out.
#2 Deadlines are negligible. In Chris Voss’ famous book Never Split the Difference he discusses how in hostage negotiations the most negotiable piece is the deadline. Those are self-imposed. Arbitrary. Moveable. Reading this was a revelation for me, as I am someone who almost never misses deadlines.
After this, I have found it is far more productive to re-prioritize rather than try to do it all. If it’s looking like I would have to pull multiple all-nighters to finish a project, I’ll see if we can move the presentation day, format, or something else. Surprisingly this has only accelerated my career, as I strive to get clarity upfront, communicate during my projects, and ensure I’m delivering exactly what’s needed. Plus I’m less stressed!
When you really think about it, many of the “urgent” requests we get really aren’t that urgent. They’re “convenient” (for the person asking for the favor). Perhaps even more common, we establish arbitrary deadlines for ourselves when nobody is asking us to do so. This is especially common among high-achiever types who are wired this way. It’s not bad to get things done early, but don’t create artificial stress when it’s not needed. Otherwise, like the “boy who cried wolf”, you’ll miss the chance to recognize truly urgent situations when they arise.
#3 Actually write out your tasks. Yes, that’s right, even if you’re stressed out and feel like you have no time, unload all of those tasks onto a list. I usually write down the project and all the subcategories that are flying around in my head. This has a calming effect for two reasons:
- It takes that stress and contextualizes it. I usually realize it’s actually less work than I thought, and by writing it down it feels like I already started.
- I inherently prioritize as I write. What I write down first is either the easiest task (that I can complete quickly) or the most important (that would relieve the most stress if I did it). I can start my list knowing I’m working towards de-stressing myself.
Greg McKeown, author of the best-selling book Essentialism shares a story in which he once came back to a hotel while on a work trip feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety about all the things that he had to do. It seemed almost paralyzing because there seemed to be so many tasks that he didn’t know where to start. Then in a moment of inspired clarity he realized that when he was feeling like this, the most important thing was actually to figure out what the most important thing was. He took a few deep breaths, cleaned up the room so there weren’t any distracting things like laundry or open notebooks begging for his attention, and then pulled out a pen and paper and wrote down what tasks actually needed to get done. He instantly noticed the peace that came from doing this simple exercise, and felt relief that what actually needed to be accomplished was far less than he had been feeling internally. He called his family, took care of the few things that actually mattered to prepare for the next day, and then had a restful night’s sleep.
Remember that action without prioritization is useless, and sometimes even harmful. When you’re feeling stressed, take a few moments to actually write down what needs to get done to get the clarity you need. You can read about this more in The Most 20 Valuable Minutes of My Day.
Conclusion
You can mold into the person you want to be, especially if that person is a level-headed individual. At work you can be the person who is complemented by being so calm, collected, and put together by starting with these three tips. Unless you’re a brain surgeon, realize your job is not life-or death. Always question deadlines. And lastly by writing down your tasks you’ll immediately be calmer.
Try it out, and let us know your success story!
